This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
