tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
MIDGETS
????
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
