why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
