they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
