My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
