Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
