having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
