you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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