Your mouth is God's brothel.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
my being single is dangerous.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
