I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
