11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
