Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
