I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
