she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
