those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize