My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I supernannyed him into submission
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
