I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
My liver is preforming stress tests.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
