i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
