I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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