Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
