my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
