i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
