got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
