i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
