Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
