the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
