the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
