Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
