I must be too annoying 4 u.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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