Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You ruined the universe
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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