Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
