I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Randomize
