Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
