I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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