Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
