I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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