i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
