Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
