just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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