Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
