just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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