Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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