Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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