Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Mom said you looked used
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
