Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
