You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
