Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
