Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
