I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
we're making bets on your personal life
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
