you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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