yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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