He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
