I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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