You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
