she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
