My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
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