I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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