I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize