Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Randomize