I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
