Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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