Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
