i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
