Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
