1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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