He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
