Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
