dude i'm inner monologue high
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
