Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
