So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
