normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
