dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
