i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
