the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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