I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
sex in a hospital.. check
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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