and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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