so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Randomize
