giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
