just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Randomize
