His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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