i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I think your dad took our porno
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
