Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize