I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
