Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
