Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Randomize
