I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
