I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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