seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
