roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
